GOOD GOALS VS TOXIC GOALS
If we build a life we don't need a holiday from, we are able to lead others to do the same.
Goals can be used as a tool to help a person obtain a particular outcome. I love, love, love goals, but so regularly see this tool used wrong. Which brings me to this blog. With anything in life, there's good ways of using all our tools and equipment, and bad ways.
Just like toxic positivity, I feel toxic goal setting needs a conversation. Let's get real.
We aren't going to be positive if someone dies. The reality is, its tough, yes we can find joy in our day when we look, but we can't stick a positive plaster on the entirety of it and hope it goes away.
As with goal setting, if you are digging yourself out a hole with a goal- great, but you can't put an elaborate goal plaster on life and expect a new version of you to stay tuned in and show up just because you have set a goal.
GOALS HAVE TO BE OBTAINABLE AND SUSTAINABLE.
I recommend sifting your goals.
- what do I mean by sifting?
Goals can be as big as you want them to be, and you will achieve them, however it may be more realistic to set your goals over a longer period of time, or adjust the end goal of your results. You have to be REAL.
When it comes to goal setting, the biggest mistake I witness people making; expecting such a mammoth change to happen without taking into consideration their current obstacles ( obstacles can be life commitments, family situation etc).
YES people, we can do absolutely anything... I believe! but not EVERYTHING. We must be conscious in knowing at what our goal will cost in both time and energy.
Your goal is a mountain:
Before walking a mountain, you accept that you must make many small steps, take regular breaks and sometimes stopping to make sure you are on course. You have a deep understanding and you do accept, that even with those things, you must keep taking the steps and moving in order to reach the top. You do not sit, ten not get back up. Goals are the same as climbing a mountain. You need a plan of where you are going, action small repeated steps, schedule breaks when tired and then more small repeated steps.
GOALS MADE SIMPLE
Goals become achievable when they are put into context of your present day situation as well as your future plans.
For example;
I want to loose 16lb in 8 weeks.
Great goal- but is it Feasible?
**If you have not questioned if your goal is tangible in relation to time frame, you should, and here is why**
YOU COULD CATAPULT YOURSELF INTO INNER CRITIC BY SETTING UP UNACHIEVABLE GOALS.
Your brain loves it, can't wait to tell you how pants you are when you don't hit your goals, so make sure your goals are aligned and realistic in accordance to your present situation. You are not pants- you are great, you are always in the place you need to be, to learn what you need to learn. It's just a great trick of the mind, from our prehistoric fight or flight mode we needed. See past your own smoke and mirrors- Your brain loves this cycle of you, the one who says they will do something, and then doesn't- This is not the real you, your brain just has you in a trap. YOU CAN DO IT!
Check feasibility of goals by cross referencing it with external factors, such as time, commitments and money.
What commitments are already in there for the next 2 months?
weekends out?
days out?
commitments to work or family activities?
Do you have the money to attend the gym you want too.. or is walking better?
After checking the diary, If you see that you have 6 bbqs out, an all you can eat buffet and a schedule that is so full you can not exercise- is 16lb in 8 weeks actually achievable ?
Now, is your goal a goal? or a fantasy?
There is nothing at all stopping you loosing 16lb over time- however there may be huge obstacles that means it is completely unrealistic in the time frame you desire. Would it better serve you to loose 16lb in three months on reflection? or 8lb in 8 weeks?
UNDERSTAND YOUR TIME.
We all want results to happen fast, it is the way our brains work, however it is self sabotage if we create ourselves toxic goals ( goals that have not been consciously set against or interogated).
WORKING WITH A COACH
A CATALYST INTO ACHIEVING GOALS-
Working with a coach is fantastic, they can see if you are working in alignment to your values and time frames. A coach will help you move through the uncomfortable emotions of the programmed brain and slice through embedded negative automated thoughts to help you convert them into a process which allows you to be your own catalyst of change.
- Helping you Identify your NATS ( negative automated thoughts)
- Narrowing your field of focus
- Interrogate your goals
- Assist you on identifying the likely hood of you reaching your goals in your timeframe
- Help you hold yourself accountable to your biggest dreams.